Portable Paradise

Any day that starts off with a flat tire can't be totally heavenly, but when I finally DID get to school today, a fabulous gift awaited me.

Now, it is no secret that I am a gargantuan geek. Unless you're new here. I get all excited about visits to Staples. I squeal when I get my hands on the key to the (tiny) supply closet and can stock up on boxes of crayons. And this little gem sent me into paroxysms of delighted geekdom. It was a new listening center.

New listening center? How could this be so exciting, you say? Two words: Wireless. Headphones. The thing is, all two of you who read this blog are scratching your heads going, "Um, so?" Only another elementary school teacher is going to get the beauty of the wireless feature. Because other elementary school teachers know the torture of those damned headset wires (think phone cords) curlicueing around each other just to drive you mad. Every day a hopeless tangle greets you before center time. NO MORE I SAY. And....AND! It came with a new machine too - WITH A DOUBLE CASSETTE. One group listens to Ralph S. Mouse, stops the tape and leaves it for next time. Another group listens to The Courage of Sarah Noble, stops the tape and leaves IT for next time. Two groups are listening to Ramona the Brave, they note the track they stop on, and next time skip to their track. TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Oh joy oh rapture unforseen. My bliss knows no bounds.

God Bless Us, Every One!

Of course, in the midst of the cooking whirl (standing rib roast, roasted potatoes, yorkshire pudding - all courtesy The Goddess Nigella - creamed spinach, parker house rolls, and for dessert homemade butterscotch and hot fudge sauces with vanilla ice cream - courtesy of smittenkitchen.com, thanks Deb!) I remembered that I wanted to post about our finishing up A Christmas Carol on the last day before break.

I've been reading it to the Criminals for about a week and a half (it's not very long) in abridged version and showing them the old Mr. Magoo movie of it bit by bit (each chapter before we read it aloud. It's new on my list this year, so of course I had that hesitation. Will they get it? I'm of the opinion that if you teach it right, they'll get it most of the time. Hence my decision to show the movie in installments, even though in general I shy away from showing movies. This one, though, was for academic reasons, so I went with it.

I was considering whether or not to continue on the third day, when I got the signal I needed. I finished reading the portion for the day and heard the "AUGH!" of frustration from the class - they wanted to hear more. So we proceeded on.

On Wednesday we saw the end of the movie - from the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come to Tiny Tim's "God bless us, every one!" As the credits rolled one of the Criminals said to another, "BEST Christmas movie EVER!"

Then we began reading, and halfway through the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come part, I put the book down and - taking a chance - said, "Who is this, this spirit?"

Adam raised his hand first, and when I called on him, said soberly..."It's..the Grim Reaper." I squee-ed inside and said, "And..who's that?"

He looked almost stricken with concern and nodded seriously at me. "It's Death, Ms. Victoria, Death's coming."

God DAMN I freaking LOVE smart kids.

God bless us, every one!

And We Proceeded On

We finished Rikki Tikki Tavi last Thursday, and then the next day came the horrible realization that there was NO MORE STORY. Hey. Wait a minute Miss Victoria. We were being ENTERTAINED by that. We're not going back to dumb picture books.

Yeah, little munchkins, your brains are MINE now.

So, naturally, one bright young man raises his hand and says suspiciously, "Hey. That book is really big."

Miss Victoria nods cheerfully, "Yep, it is."

Another bright young thing raises HER hand, "And hey. Rikki Tikki Tavi wasn't THAT long."

Miss Victoria shrugs nonchalantly, taking up slack in the line, reeling in, "No, well I told you guys there were other stories in The Jungle Book. The Mowgli stories, remember?"

Comments bubble from my wolf pack, "Well...aren't we going to READ those?"

Miss Victoria looks doubtful, "Weeeelllll I dunno you guys....those stories are kind of hard...are you SURE?"

Class: Uh, YES?!

So I told them I'd read the first few pages of the first story, Mowgli and his Brothers and they could decide if they wanted to keep going. Eight pages later, "Do you think you want to hear the rest?"

Class: Uh, YES?!

Yeah. Thought so, wolf cubs.

The strength of the pack is the wolf
And the strength of the wolf is the pack.

Charlotte WHAT? (2005)

So today we finished reading aloud Charlotte's Web. The Criminals have been glued to the rug every morning for our chapter and had begun begging for another chapter in the afternoon, so on the final day I obliged with the last TWO chapters in the afternoon. For days, we've been reading and talking and asking questions like, "Miss Victoria, what's manure? Miss Victoria, what's a fair? What's a barn swallow? How come the little girl takes care of the pig? She live on a farm? What that broken egg smell like, poo? Ha ha Miss Victoria that so funny!" Insert twenty little helium laughs here. In the chapter where, "the geese cheered," every two seconds, the Criminals cheered too.

Today though, you pretty much could've heard a pin drop, except when they were yelling "MISS VICTORIA WHAT'S A MAGNUM OPUS???" before I could get to Wilbur asking the same question. Charlotte explains everything just like Miss Victoria does, except she doesn't yell "STOP SHOUTING!" first.

And then they began to look suspicious when Charlotte seemed to be tired a LOT lately. And then Wilbur and Templeton packed up the egg sac and went home without Charlotte. And then, just as E. B. White says in the book...Charlotte died.

You would've thought I had killed these childrens' own mothers. Hot glares, shaking fingers, "Noooo no no bad Miss Victoria!" And Miss Victoria, wiping her own tears, said, "Well, it was Charlotte's time. But let's see what happens next."

And, God was in His heaven, all was right with the world: The baby spiders began to appear. After the first set, there was cautious applause. Then louder after the next, and when all 514 arrived, a thunderous ovation. The thunderous ovation continued intermittently until the very last sentence of the book.

Mr. White, I hope you were listening. In case you missed it, Stuart Little starts tomorrow.

Ding Dong TOK, Nag is Dead! (2005)

This week I read the Criminals Rudyard Kipling's great short story, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi. If you don't know the story, it's about a little mongoose named Rikki-Tikki-Tavi who kills two cobras named Nag and Nagaina in order to save the family with whom he lives.The story is so brilliantly written that it's a pleasure to read to any child, even children with a very limited vocabulary and little frame of reference for this kind of material. They were glued to the carpet each time I read, chewing their nails as Rikki caroled his war-cry, "Rikk-tikk-tikki-tikki-tchahhh!" and they begged to finish the story today.

But I had to go to a meeting in the morning, and they all complained vociferously. "Miss Victoria! We need to read Rikki-Tikki-Tavi! Where are you GOING?" I said I was sorry, but they were very grumpy about the whole thing. I said I'd read to them after lunch if they didn't keep up the grumpy bad manners. They all very quickly smiled politely and said yes certainly they would be delighted to bide until after lunch and did I need help with that door on my way out?

After lunch we settled down to continue the story, but it's a short time between lunch and their specials time when Ms. Meehan comes to teach theatre arts (and Miss Victoria gets a break). Just as Miss Victoria and Rikki reached the veranda where Nagaina was holding the whole family hostage and getting ready to bite Teddy, the little boy, and Miss Victoria and Rikki snarled, "Turn around, Nagaina! Turn and fight!"...Ms. Meehan walked into the room.

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" cried the Criminals, to a man, Charlie Brown come to life. Miss Victoria smiled sweetly, closed the book, and said, "We'll finish the story after Ms. Meehan is gone," and put the book down. With many dark looks, the Criminals shuffled to their desks to be entertained with Little Rabbit Foo-foo and the like (Ms. Meehan has not heard of the story Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, therefore she is rendered useless to my brood).

I came back to shouts of, "Miss Victoria! Can we finish the story now?!?!" and settled down to read the end. Nagaina and the one egg she had left met their end, Rikki emerged triumphant from the snake hole, and Darzee the bird sang his chant of triumph. Everyone clapped wildly, and we sat down to color a picture of a mongoose to end our week. What a ride.

Talk of the Town (2003)

So the other day I was sitting on the rug with the criminals, reading them K.Y. Craft's gorgeously illustrated version of "Cinderella," when I hear a scream from the back of the rug."MISS VICTORIA, MISS VICTORIA!!!!!" Everyone is pointing at Brian, who is holding his bloody tooth up to me with an expression on his face which pricelessly illustrates his thoughts ("WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!"). The blood causes minor mayhem, but I dispatch him to the nurse with a friend, stick his tooth in my pocket until I can dig out a plastic baggie, and sit down to continue the story.

On a whim, I hold the book and ask the class, "Is the Tooth Fairy the same as the Fairy Godmother?"

You would have thought I had asked if chocolate ice cream was the same as vanilla. The looks of scorn! The disbelief!

Class: NO!

Me: No? Well, how are they different?

Kelsey: The Tooth Fairy could only give you money! (whereas the Fairy Godmother has got stuff like ballgowns and coaches to hand out)

Me: Well, but they both can do magic, right?

Class: Yes!

Me: Are they both ladies?

Class: (pausing to look sorrowfully at dumb Miss Victoria) Yes!

Me: Well are there boy fairies? (spare me, they don't get double entendre)

Class: (pausing to look sorrowfully at dumb Miss Victoria) No!

Me: Well what are boys if they can do magic?

Darriel: (soberly) a doctor....(he thinks a minute)...or a witch.

Me: Well...but how is a witch different from a fairy?

Destiny: (pausing to look sorrowfully at dumb Miss Victoria) A witch have a broom, and a fairy don't!

Glad we got that sorted out. Boy was I confused.